just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
