My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
