no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Someone shattered a urinal.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
