My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
