I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
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one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
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You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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