just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
FUCK WHALES
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