"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
