Im at strip club and am horny
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Why are your pants in the freezer?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
