I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
