You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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