Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
one might say we're banned from that church
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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