i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
