My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
