So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
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