I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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