I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
