ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
