It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
