so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
