Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
