Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The struggles of a small town man whore
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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