I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I need a burrito and a hug.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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