It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
