you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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