dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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