No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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