Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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