I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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