I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We named our party play list daddy issues
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
