Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
