Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
