you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
