thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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