Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Congratulations! We have a period
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
