Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
