You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
