The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
