when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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