I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
