I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
