We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
