I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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