dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
