Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
