I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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