omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
