community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
