Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Text me some of your sweat
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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