suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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