A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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