Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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