so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
