Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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