I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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