I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
