and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
This girl is more easily done than said...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize