so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
