Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
