im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
