Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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