I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
