textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
