i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
