they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
