I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
