Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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