Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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